April 14, 2008
Just off the top of my head, and for no particular reason, as a general effort on behalf of all candidates running today for their party's nomination, here is a quick list of things to avoid saying when you are running for president.
- Try to avoid saying, or having really close friends and spiritual advisors, who say, "God damn America." Really, that would be pretty high on the list, I would think. Make sure to avoid that.
- If you have any spiritual advisors, make sure they don't say that America created aids.
- If you have any spiritual advisors, make sure they don't say that 9-11 was "America's chickens coming home to roost" or anything like that. In general, it's a good idea to side with America against people who like to kill Americans. I know, I know, this seems really obvious. I'm just saying that this is a list of the top things that should be avoided, and that would go pretty close to the top, that's all.
- Try to avoid calling the voters bitter.
- Try to avoid saying that voters turn to guns out of bitterness.
- Try to avoid saying that voters turn to religion out of bitterness.
- Oh, and, of course, make sure to avoid making racist comments.
I know, I know, again you're probably thinking that no candidate would
ever be enough of an elitist, out-of-touch, America-hating, racist to say any of the things on this list. It's almost impossible to imagine that any candidate would ever say even one of the things on this list. Surely no candidate would ever say all of them.
That could probably never happen.
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